Chris's problem: The boy feels so pressured to perform that he recently pretended to be sick to avoid playing goalie in an end-of-season tournament.
Initially, the boy said that he enjoyed the fact that everyone liked him so much for being such a great goalie. However, it's clear that he soon began worrying that peers and coaches wouldn't like him if he didn't perform up to expectations.
When parents have talented or successful athletes who struggle with high expectations, they need to get to the root of what's upsetting or worrying their athletes. First of all, help the kids identify their own high expectations.
The athlete might say, "If I let my team down, nobody will like me." Or the child might say, "If I make a mistake, I screw up the game for everyone." Be sure to openly discuss athletes' fears or anxieties.
In most cases, we've discovered that kids in this position likely are afraid of failing or afraid of losing their peers' or coaches' approval. They may also be perfectionists who think they shouldn't
make mistakes.
Often, athletes' expectations are unrealistic. The athletes may feel as if they must win the game for everyone. Or they may feel as if they are not allowed to make any mistakes. These unrealistic expectations can undermine an athlete's confidence.
Discuss these expectations with your sports kids and help them understand that they shouldn't expect so much of themselves. You might remind them that no one is perfect. Tell them that people
will like even if they make mistakes.
Some kids are more open about discussing their feelings than others. With kids who are less likely to open up, be on the lookout for the moments during the day when they're more likely to share their feelings. Sometimes this is when you pick them up from school; sometimes it's just before they go to bed.
Want to learn more about how to create confidence and success in your young athlete? Check out our Ultimate Sports Parent workbook/CD program by clicking here!
You'll learn:
- How much pressure is too much pressure
- How to communicate with your young athlete
- How parents can instill confidence in young athletes
- How to prepare young athletes for game day
- How to cope with your young athlete's fear of failure
And other important tips for sports parents!
Sincerely,
Patrick Cohn, Ph.D., Mental Training Expert
& Lisa Cohn, Youth Sports Parenting Author
P.S. The Ultimate Sports Parent workbook program comes
with a neat bonus that helps parents act and say the right
things before a game or competition
Instilling Mental Skills for Sports & Life!
888-742-7225/407-909-1700 (local)
http://www.youthsportspsychology.com/
