By Lisa Cohn and Dr. Patrick Cohn
How do you help a young athlete whose dreams in sports are undermined by others’ jealousy?
In the case of Lela’s son, “Frank,” it’s a big challenge. Frank is a high school student and Olympic-caliber athlete in track. He is ranked nationally for his event and age group.
Frank’s problem: He lives in a very small town where there’s only one track coach, a coach whose son also takes part in track. Others are jealous of Frank’s talents and his high goals in sports.
The track coach tries to derail Frank’s efforts to become an Olympic athlete, refusing to give him extra gym time to work out. The coach told him he should simply focus on high school sports, rather than follow his dream of training for the Olympics.
What’s more, the basketball and football coaches in this small town think they “own” this young man’s talent. They’re constantly pressuring him to play on their teams instead of following his dream. They want to use his talent to help their teams succeed.
How can sports parents deal with such a dilemma?
Lela and other sports parents should encourage their young athletes to follow their dreams. Lela needs to help her son ignore the distractions created by others’ jealousy and focus on doing what he loves. That means training, competing and continuing to improve.
Lela needs to help Frank tune out the worries created by others’ opposition to his dream. He needs to focus on the tasks he needs to achieve his goals. An athlete’s dreams can quickly sink when non-believers beat him up. His confidence can take a hit.
In addition, if Frank doesn’t want to play football or basketball, he should not play. His talent is his own—not his small town’s.
Successful athletes are able to keep their goals and dreams alive in the face of criticism from others. Sometimes an athlete will give in to the pressure he feels from parents, coaches, and friends. In this case, the athlete competes to satisfy others instead of following his dreams.
Parents need to ensure their kids take part in sports for the right reasons. Young athletes should be genuinely self-motivated to practice and compete in sports.
Award winning parenting writer Lisa Cohn and Youth Sports Psychology expert Dr. Patrick Cohn are co-founders of The Ultimate Sports Parent. Pick up their free e-book, “Ten Tips to Improve Confidence and Success in Young Athletes” by visiting http://www.youthsportspsychology.com
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Using Practice Time to Boost Young Athletes’ Confidence
By Lisa Cohn and Dr. Patrick Cohn
Just how can practices improve young athletes’ confidence? And what does this mean for you as a sports parent?
Longtime coach Marty Schupak, founder of Youth Sports Club, has lots to say about how efficient, engaging practices can boost kids’ confidence in sports.
Schupak’s journey into coaching began when his son, a baseball player, was asked by his coach to endure 2.5 hours’ of boring batting practices. Schupak decided to try his hand at coaching—and invented a number of creative ways to keep kids engaged, successful, and feeling good about themselves.
For example, he noticed that baseball players who are 6 years old are far ahead of the 5-year-olds who have a year’s experience under their belts. “It’s hard for 5-year-olds to feel successful,” he says.
Schupak came up with an idea: How about the 5-year-olds begin with batting a kickball off a batting tee? “This way, the kids experience more success and gain confidence. After hitting a kickball, the kids can move to a softball,” he says.
He also started designing practices that mixed skills-building drills with “fun” drills. During a “fun” drill, 11- or 12-year-olds might hit a kickball off a batting tee, then run the bases.
If kids are having fun and experiencing success, they’re more likely to feel confident, gain satisfaction, and improve their performance.
Another example: If coaches can ensure the less experienced or struggling players interact in positive ways with the stronger players during practice (and games), they’ll likely feel more confident.
Following are additional ways parents and coaches can help build kids’ confidence during practice time:
Just how can practices improve young athletes’ confidence? And what does this mean for you as a sports parent?
Longtime coach Marty Schupak, founder of Youth Sports Club, has lots to say about how efficient, engaging practices can boost kids’ confidence in sports.
Schupak’s journey into coaching began when his son, a baseball player, was asked by his coach to endure 2.5 hours’ of boring batting practices. Schupak decided to try his hand at coaching—and invented a number of creative ways to keep kids engaged, successful, and feeling good about themselves.
For example, he noticed that baseball players who are 6 years old are far ahead of the 5-year-olds who have a year’s experience under their belts. “It’s hard for 5-year-olds to feel successful,” he says.
Schupak came up with an idea: How about the 5-year-olds begin with batting a kickball off a batting tee? “This way, the kids experience more success and gain confidence. After hitting a kickball, the kids can move to a softball,” he says.
He also started designing practices that mixed skills-building drills with “fun” drills. During a “fun” drill, 11- or 12-year-olds might hit a kickball off a batting tee, then run the bases.
If kids are having fun and experiencing success, they’re more likely to feel confident, gain satisfaction, and improve their performance.
Another example: If coaches can ensure the less experienced or struggling players interact in positive ways with the stronger players during practice (and games), they’ll likely feel more confident.
Following are additional ways parents and coaches can help build kids’ confidence during practice time:
- Parents shouldn’t over-coach their kids by filling their minds with technical details. This behavior might conflict with the coach and distract young athletes.
- When kids feel supported by parents and coaches, they’re more relaxed and more likely to play intuitively, and learn and grow. If they’re tense, they play mechanically and tentatively and are less likely to grow as athletes.
- Kids need to learn how to take their “practice” game to the competitive realm. Sometimes kids are stars in practice, but freeze up during competition because the real game starts to take on more meaning to athletes.
- Be sure to evaluate a coach before placing your child on a team. Find a coach who runs a fun and engaging practice. You should avoid a coach who bores kids and sinks their confidence during practice time. Practices can make or break a kid’s interest in sports! A simple test is to examine the faces of the athletes to see if they are having fun.
Award winning parenting writer Lisa Cohn and Youth Sports Psychology expert Dr. Patrick Cohn are co-founders of The Ultimate Sports Parent. Pick up their free e-book, “Ten Tips to Improve Confidence and Success in Young Athletes” by visiting http://www.youthsportspsychology.com/
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Redefining Winning for Young Athletes
By Lisa Cohn and Dr. Patrick Cohn
Young athletes want to feel like winners—whether or not they’re always scoring and beating their opponents. Sports parents can help their kids feel good about their experiences simply by taking the focus off the “win.”
David Jacobson, a spokesman for the Positive Coaching Alliance, says his organization wants to re-define the term “winning” in ways that provide important benefits to young athletes.
“Of course people want to win,” says Jacobson. “My organization advocates trying as hard as you can to win.
But there's more going on than finishing with the highest score. There are so many educational opportunities. For example, if you can put forth maximum effort, you become a winner.”
If coaches and sports parents can frame conversations in this fashion, kids don’t feel as nervous. “They are more likely to feel successful and be successful,” he says.
For example, let’s say your young athletes are outsized and outmatched. How can you help them feel like winners? Ask them to go into the game against a formidable opponent with an eye toward succeeding in small ways, says Jacobson.
Give young athletes specific objectives that help them attain excellence. For example, . in soccer, a coach might ask kids to try to nab every loose ball.
Even if the final score is 5-0 and your team loses, if you've gotten to every loose ball, you've won a small victory that imparts confidence to kids!
In sports psychology, we call this focusing on manageable objectives or small, easy-to-accomplish goals. Coaches and parents should ask kids to do this to help them focus on effort, rather than outcome.
When kids are too focused on results and wins, it's a huge distraction. It's harder for them to succeed and feel confidentfocus on the things they need to do to execute well in the present moment.
As a sports parent or youth coach, it's your job to help kids identify and focus on mini-objectives. Ask them to try and get aim for two rebounds in basketball, or to focus on making four out of six quality shots on goal. Change their mindset; help them enjoy the game more by focusing on the process and the fun!
You can also help build their confidence and success by consistently telling them mistakes are okay, says Jacobson.
“You have to impart the notion that mistakes are okay. The greatest success occurs if you make mistakes. You can't learn--or get to other side of envelope--if you don't push yourself and make mistakes,” he says.
For example, you're not learning as an ice skater unless you're falling down.
Not only do you need to tell kids mistakes are okay. You need to reward them for making them and use them as a learning opportunity.
"You want them to keep trying to be aggressive and willing to push the outside of the envelope," he says.
“Through positive reinforcement, tell the athlete at every turn, 'You didn't get the ball there, but you tried something new, and that's a step in the right direction. Great work,’” he explains.
Award winning parenting writer Lisa Cohn and Youth Sports Psychology expert Dr. Patrick Cohn are co-founders of The Ultimate Sports Parent. Pick up their free e-book, “Ten Tips to Improve Confidence and Success in Young Athletes” by visiting http://www.youthsportspsychology.com
Young athletes want to feel like winners—whether or not they’re always scoring and beating their opponents. Sports parents can help their kids feel good about their experiences simply by taking the focus off the “win.”
David Jacobson, a spokesman for the Positive Coaching Alliance, says his organization wants to re-define the term “winning” in ways that provide important benefits to young athletes.
“Of course people want to win,” says Jacobson. “My organization advocates trying as hard as you can to win.
But there's more going on than finishing with the highest score. There are so many educational opportunities. For example, if you can put forth maximum effort, you become a winner.”
If coaches and sports parents can frame conversations in this fashion, kids don’t feel as nervous. “They are more likely to feel successful and be successful,” he says.
For example, let’s say your young athletes are outsized and outmatched. How can you help them feel like winners? Ask them to go into the game against a formidable opponent with an eye toward succeeding in small ways, says Jacobson.
Give young athletes specific objectives that help them attain excellence. For example, . in soccer, a coach might ask kids to try to nab every loose ball.
Even if the final score is 5-0 and your team loses, if you've gotten to every loose ball, you've won a small victory that imparts confidence to kids!
In sports psychology, we call this focusing on manageable objectives or small, easy-to-accomplish goals. Coaches and parents should ask kids to do this to help them focus on effort, rather than outcome.
When kids are too focused on results and wins, it's a huge distraction. It's harder for them to succeed and feel confidentfocus on the things they need to do to execute well in the present moment.
As a sports parent or youth coach, it's your job to help kids identify and focus on mini-objectives. Ask them to try and get aim for two rebounds in basketball, or to focus on making four out of six quality shots on goal. Change their mindset; help them enjoy the game more by focusing on the process and the fun!
You can also help build their confidence and success by consistently telling them mistakes are okay, says Jacobson.
“You have to impart the notion that mistakes are okay. The greatest success occurs if you make mistakes. You can't learn--or get to other side of envelope--if you don't push yourself and make mistakes,” he says.
For example, you're not learning as an ice skater unless you're falling down.
Not only do you need to tell kids mistakes are okay. You need to reward them for making them and use them as a learning opportunity.
"You want them to keep trying to be aggressive and willing to push the outside of the envelope," he says.
“Through positive reinforcement, tell the athlete at every turn, 'You didn't get the ball there, but you tried something new, and that's a step in the right direction. Great work,’” he explains.
Award winning parenting writer Lisa Cohn and Youth Sports Psychology expert Dr. Patrick Cohn are co-founders of The Ultimate Sports Parent. Pick up their free e-book, “Ten Tips to Improve Confidence and Success in Young Athletes” by visiting http://www.youthsportspsychology.com
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Negative Feedback: A Confidence Buster for Young Athletes
By Lisa Cohn and Dr. Patrick Cohn
Mike, a sports dad to an 11-year-old who plays high-level baseball, is worried about his son’s confidence. Jim’s baseball coach often singles Jim out for making mistakes. As a result, the kids on the team also comment when Jim makes mistakes.
Mike says Jim doesn’t mind so much when the coach singles him out. But Jim is not so happy when the other kids pick up on this negativity and start offering their two cents about his mistakes.
This situation can be a confidence buster for young athletes if their parents don’t handle it well.
Young athletes often worry about what their peers think of them. If they worry too much, it can undermine their confidence and performance. They’ll often start playing tentatively. They’ll be afraid to take risks. They’ll be afraid of making more mistakes.
Mike took a smart approach: He reminded Jim that he generally contributes a lot to the team, and the coach and kids likely expect a lot from him.
He suggested that Jim find ways to turn this negative into a positive: Mike told Jim to take the feedback and use it as motivation to work harder.
When sports parents struggle with this issue, they should also consider having a frank conversation with the coach. If you do this, be sure to wait until after a game. Or make an appointment to see the coach. Don’t approach the coach at half-time during a game if you are upset.
Wait to cool off before you sit down with the coach. Be sure to be as positive as possible. You might say, “I really appreciate all that you’re doing for the kids on these teams. I have one issue I’d like to discuss with you. I think it hurts my son’s confidence when you single him out for criticism.”
In addition, it’s important for sports parents to stress that confidence comes from within. It’s based on what they can control—how hard they work in practice, their motivation and their past successes. It shouldn’t be based on what they can’t control—the weather, the size of the ball they’re playing withopponents the team is playing against, or what others might be saying about them.
Young athletes need to focus on what they do well and try to push out of their minds worries about what others think of them.
What’s more, you can remind your young athletes that it’s natural to make mistakes in sports. No one is perfect. In fact, athletes learn from mistakes.
You’ll learn:
*How to talk to a coach
*When to find a new coach
*How to motivate kids to do their best
*How to communicate with your young athletes
*How to prepare kids for game day
*How to help kids stop worrying about what everyone thinks
*And much more!
Award winning parenting writer Lisa Cohn and Youth Sports Psychology expert Dr. Patrick Cohn are co-founders of The Ultimate Sports Parent. Pick up their free e-book, “Ten Tips to Improve Confidence and Success in Young Athletes” by visiting http://www.youthsportspsychology.com
Mike, a sports dad to an 11-year-old who plays high-level baseball, is worried about his son’s confidence. Jim’s baseball coach often singles Jim out for making mistakes. As a result, the kids on the team also comment when Jim makes mistakes.
Mike says Jim doesn’t mind so much when the coach singles him out. But Jim is not so happy when the other kids pick up on this negativity and start offering their two cents about his mistakes.
This situation can be a confidence buster for young athletes if their parents don’t handle it well.
Young athletes often worry about what their peers think of them. If they worry too much, it can undermine their confidence and performance. They’ll often start playing tentatively. They’ll be afraid to take risks. They’ll be afraid of making more mistakes.
Mike took a smart approach: He reminded Jim that he generally contributes a lot to the team, and the coach and kids likely expect a lot from him.
He suggested that Jim find ways to turn this negative into a positive: Mike told Jim to take the feedback and use it as motivation to work harder.
When sports parents struggle with this issue, they should also consider having a frank conversation with the coach. If you do this, be sure to wait until after a game. Or make an appointment to see the coach. Don’t approach the coach at half-time during a game if you are upset.
Wait to cool off before you sit down with the coach. Be sure to be as positive as possible. You might say, “I really appreciate all that you’re doing for the kids on these teams. I have one issue I’d like to discuss with you. I think it hurts my son’s confidence when you single him out for criticism.”
In addition, it’s important for sports parents to stress that confidence comes from within. It’s based on what they can control—how hard they work in practice, their motivation and their past successes. It shouldn’t be based on what they can’t control—the weather, the size of the ball they’re playing withopponents the team is playing against, or what others might be saying about them.
Young athletes need to focus on what they do well and try to push out of their minds worries about what others think of them.
What’s more, you can remind your young athletes that it’s natural to make mistakes in sports. No one is perfect. In fact, athletes learn from mistakes.
You’ll learn:
*How to talk to a coach
*When to find a new coach
*How to motivate kids to do their best
*How to communicate with your young athletes
*How to prepare kids for game day
*How to help kids stop worrying about what everyone thinks
*And much more!
Award winning parenting writer Lisa Cohn and Youth Sports Psychology expert Dr. Patrick Cohn are co-founders of The Ultimate Sports Parent. Pick up their free e-book, “Ten Tips to Improve Confidence and Success in Young Athletes” by visiting http://www.youthsportspsychology.com
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Sports Parents: Why Your Kid Needs Great Coaching
By Lisa Cohn and Dr. Patrick Cohn
Youth coaches have a big responsibility and opportunity, says Dr. John McCarthy, director of Boston University's Institute for Athletic Coach Education.
"They can enhance the growth and development of youth," he says. But they can’t do that if they only focus on winning.
In our society, youth coaches are often judged by their win-loss record, McCarthy says. But—especially in youth sports—that's not the best way to evaluate a coach. For example, caochesFor example, coaches might be very good at communicating or helping your child learn valuable life skills through sports. These are important traits in a coach.
Sometimes a high win ratio reflects a coach's ego—not his or her interest in ensuring kids have a positive sports experience, he says.
To ensure your young athlete has the best possible sports experience,
let go of the idea that good coaches need to have the top record, he suggests. Instead, ask yourself these questions:
*Is the sports experience fun for my child? Is my child engaged and learning new skills?
*Is the coach well-organized? Are practices organized in a manner that keeps kids moving? Or is the coach easily distracted?
*Are practices and games appropriate to your child's skill level? "Fun means challenging at the appropriate level," says McCarthy.
*Does your child take responsibility for his or her own learning? If not, what could your coach do differently?
* Does the coach engage in positive ways with the kids and help them feel successful?
*Does the coach use sports as a springboard to help the athletes learn life skills such as teamwork, confidence, and focusing under pressure?
That’s not all you can do to ensure your child receives good coaching.
Before you sign up your child for a team, interview the coach about his or her philosophy. Watch him or her conduct a few practices to see if you’re comfortable with his or her style. Once you’ve signed your child up for a team, if you feel confident your child has a great coach , leave the coaching to him or her!
BUT THAT'S NOT ALL!
http://youthsportspsychology.com/ultimate_sports_parent_workbook.php
You'll also learn:
>What to say to kids on game day
>How to communicate with your young athlete
>Why few of failure undermines your athlete's confidence
>Why confidence is critical to benefiting from sports….
>And other great tips!
Award winning parenting writer Lisa Cohn and Youth Sports Psychology expert Dr. Patrick Cohn are co-founders of The Ultimate Sports Parent. Pick up their free e-book, “Ten Tips to Improve Confidence and Success in Young Athletes” by visiting http://www.youthsportspsychology.com
Youth coaches have a big responsibility and opportunity, says Dr. John McCarthy, director of Boston University's Institute for Athletic Coach Education.
"They can enhance the growth and development of youth," he says. But they can’t do that if they only focus on winning.
In our society, youth coaches are often judged by their win-loss record, McCarthy says. But—especially in youth sports—that's not the best way to evaluate a coach. For example, caochesFor example, coaches might be very good at communicating or helping your child learn valuable life skills through sports. These are important traits in a coach.
Sometimes a high win ratio reflects a coach's ego—not his or her interest in ensuring kids have a positive sports experience, he says.
To ensure your young athlete has the best possible sports experience,
let go of the idea that good coaches need to have the top record, he suggests. Instead, ask yourself these questions:
*Is the sports experience fun for my child? Is my child engaged and learning new skills?
*Is the coach well-organized? Are practices organized in a manner that keeps kids moving? Or is the coach easily distracted?
*Are practices and games appropriate to your child's skill level? "Fun means challenging at the appropriate level," says McCarthy.
*Does your child take responsibility for his or her own learning? If not, what could your coach do differently?
* Does the coach engage in positive ways with the kids and help them feel successful?
*Does the coach use sports as a springboard to help the athletes learn life skills such as teamwork, confidence, and focusing under pressure?
That’s not all you can do to ensure your child receives good coaching.
Before you sign up your child for a team, interview the coach about his or her philosophy. Watch him or her conduct a few practices to see if you’re comfortable with his or her style. Once you’ve signed your child up for a team, if you feel confident your child has a great coach , leave the coaching to him or her!
BUT THAT'S NOT ALL!
http://youthsportspsychology.com/ultimate_sports_parent_workbook.php
You'll also learn:
>What to say to kids on game day
>How to communicate with your young athlete
>Why few of failure undermines your athlete's confidence
>Why confidence is critical to benefiting from sports….
>And other great tips!
Award winning parenting writer Lisa Cohn and Youth Sports Psychology expert Dr. Patrick Cohn are co-founders of The Ultimate Sports Parent. Pick up their free e-book, “Ten Tips to Improve Confidence and Success in Young Athletes” by visiting http://www.youthsportspsychology.com
Youth Sports: When Are Sports Parents Too Involved?
By Lisa Cohn and Dr. Patrick Cohn
One sports parent began training his son at the age of four to become a pro football player. The dad quit his job to facilitate his son’s coaching. The boy is now 12 and spends 10 hours per day training with his father.
When is a sports parent too involved?
Above all, sports parents need to keep in mind the importance of helping their young athletes lead balanced lives. Do they have the time to play with friends and pursue other interests? Or are their identities only defined by their role as athletes? You don’t want your kids to judge their self-worth solely on whether they score points or play on winning teams.
It’s also important to let the child lead you. You don’t want your child to play sports to fulfill your dreams. When kids play only to satisfy their parents, they often feel pressured. It’s difficult to play freely and intuitively. What’s more, they generally drop out of sports, and then miss all its great social, emotional and physical benefits!
We’re not saying you shouldn’t be involved at all in your child’s sports experience. It’s all about striking a balance. Once your child decides to play sports, you’ve got an important role to play as sports parents.
You should take charge of finding an appropriate coach and team for your child. It’s a good idea to support the coach and team as much as possible by bringing snacks or organizing the parents.
What’s more, you should learn all about “mental game” strategies that will help your child boost confidence and happiness in sports. Some of these strategies include:
- Setting manageable goals instead of communicating high expectations
- Focusing your child’s attention on the process of execution in the here and now instead of worrying about results, rankings, and statistics
- Helping kids take responsibility for their confidence instead of leaving confidence up to chance—and how well they play at the beginning of a game
- Helping kids learn how to let go of mistakes
- Encouraging young athletes to stay composed during crunch time so they can contribute to the team instead of tightening up and playing scared
- Encouraging kids to play freely and intuitively rather than playing scared and being afraid of making mistakes.
Award winning parenting writer Lisa Cohn and Youth Sports Psychology expert Dr. Patrick Cohn are co-founders of The Ultimate Sports Parent. Pick up their free e-book, “Ten Tips to Improve Confidence and Success in Young Athletes” by visiting
http://www.youthsportspsychology.com.
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