Redefining Winning for Young Athletes

By Lisa Cohn and Dr. Patrick Cohn

Young athletes want to feel like winners—whether or not they’re always scoring and beating their opponents. Sports parents can help their kids feel good about their experiences simply by taking the focus off the “win.”

David Jacobson, a spokesman for the Positive Coaching Alliance, says his organization wants to re-define the term “winning” in ways that provide important benefits to young athletes.

“Of course people want to win,” says Jacobson. “My organization advocates trying as hard as you can to win.

But there's more going on than finishing with the highest score. There are so many educational opportunities. For example, if you can put forth maximum effort, you become a winner.”

If coaches and sports parents can frame conversations in this fashion, kids don’t feel as nervous. “They are more likely to feel successful and be successful,” he says.

For example, let’s say your young athletes are outsized and outmatched. How can you help them feel like winners? Ask them to go into the game against a formidable opponent with an eye toward succeeding in small ways, says Jacobson.

Give young athletes specific objectives that help them attain excellence. For example, . in soccer, a coach might ask kids to try to nab every loose ball.

Even if the final score is 5-0 and your team loses, if you've gotten to every loose ball, you've won a small victory that imparts confidence to kids!

In sports psychology, we call this focusing on manageable objectives or small, easy-to-accomplish goals. Coaches and parents should ask kids to do this to help them focus on effort, rather than outcome.

When kids are too focused on results and wins, it's a huge distraction. It's harder for them to succeed and feel confidentfocus on the things they need to do to execute well in the present moment.

As a sports parent or youth coach, it's your job to help kids identify and focus on mini-objectives. Ask them to try and get aim for two rebounds in basketball, or to focus on making four out of six quality shots on goal. Change their mindset; help them enjoy the game more by focusing on the process and the fun!

You can also help build their confidence and success by consistently telling them mistakes are okay, says Jacobson.

“You have to impart the notion that mistakes are okay. The greatest success occurs if you make mistakes. You can't learn--or get to other side of envelope--if you don't push yourself and make mistakes,” he says.

For example, you're not learning as an ice skater unless you're falling down.

Not only do you need to tell kids mistakes are okay. You need to reward them for making them and use them as a learning opportunity.

"You want them to keep trying to be aggressive and willing to push the outside of the envelope," he says.

“Through positive reinforcement, tell the athlete at every turn, 'You didn't get the ball there, but you tried something new, and that's a step in the right direction. Great work,’” he explains.

Award winning parenting writer Lisa Cohn and Youth Sports Psychology expert Dr. Patrick Cohn are co-founders of The Ultimate Sports Parent. Pick up their free e-book, “Ten Tips to Improve Confidence and Success in Young Athletes” by visiting http://www.youthsportspsychology.com

How Youth Athletes Cope with Pressure

Do you know what kind of pressures young athletes face in sports?

As sports parents, it's important to be tuned in to this issue. If your athletes are equestrians, for example, they likely feel pressure to perform up to their abilities.

Then there's the added pressure of dealing with their horses' ups and downs. Add to that the potential for danger—and you've got a pressure-cooker situation at times.

That's what Missy Clark, head trainer and owner of North Run Show Stables, Warren, Vermont told us in a recent interview. She works with some of the top young riders in the country.

What distinguishes the top performers in high-pressure situations?

They understand the mental side of sports, Clark says. In fact, one of her most successful young athletes had a mind like a "sponge" for sports psychology, she says. "She wasn't the most naturally talented rider, but she had an incredibly open mind about the mental aspect of sports."

That’s true of kids in all sports. They face numerous pressures.

They may intimidate themselves by comparing themselves to their competitors. They may pressure themselves to perform better than their peers. They may feel pressure from coaches to improve their performance.

If sports kids can identify and learn how to cope with these pressures, they've got a tremendous advantage. They’re likely to be happier and more successful.

We know that your kids likely impose lots of pressure on themselves.

They don't need any additional pressure from you. Be very careful about how you phrase your words of "support," especially before a competition or game. Even if you say, before a game, "I hope you score three goals today," you're pressuring your athletes.

Do you want to learn more about how to boost your young athlete’s mental game? Check out our Ultimate Sports Parent workbook and CD program. You’ll learn how to:

• Motivate kids to do well in sports
• Help kids feel confident in athletics
• Help young athletes stop worrying about what everyone thinks
• Teach kids no one is perfect
• Guide children as they cope with frustration, anger and heartache in sports
• Deal with kids’ difficult or negative coaches

Learn all our tips for providing athletes with the right kind of support--before games and after defeats or mistakes. Check out our Ultimate Sports Parent workbook/CD program.

Sincerely,

Patrick Cohn, Ph.D., Mental Training Expert
& Lisa Cohn, Youth Sports Parenting Author

P.S. For more ideas about how to encourage kids in sports, check out
our workbook/CD program – just for sports parents:
http://youthsportspsychology.com/ultimate_sports_parent_workbook.php

© 2007 The Ultimate Sports Parent by Peak Performance Sports
http://www.youthsportspsychology.com/