Helping Young Athletes Follow Their Dreams in Sports

By Lisa Cohn and Dr. Patrick Cohn

How do you help a young athlete whose dreams in sports are undermined by others’ jealousy?

In the case of Lela’s son, “Frank,” it’s a big challenge. Frank is a high school student and Olympic-caliber athlete in track. He is ranked nationally for his event and age group.

Frank’s problem: He lives in a very small town where there’s only one track coach, a coach whose son also takes part in track. Others are jealous of Frank’s talents and his high goals in sports.

The track coach tries to derail Frank’s efforts to become an Olympic athlete, refusing to give him extra gym time to work out. The coach told him he should simply focus on high school sports, rather than follow his dream of training for the Olympics.

What’s more, the basketball and football coaches in this small town think they “own” this young man’s talent. They’re constantly pressuring him to play on their teams instead of following his dream. They want to use his talent to help their teams succeed.

How can sports parents deal with such a dilemma?

Lela and other sports parents should encourage their young athletes to follow their dreams. Lela needs to help her son ignore the distractions created by others’ jealousy and focus on doing what he loves. That means training, competing and continuing to improve.

Lela needs to help Frank tune out the worries created by others’ opposition to his dream. He needs to focus on the tasks he needs to achieve his goals. An athlete’s dreams can quickly sink when non-believers beat him up. His confidence can take a hit.

In addition, if Frank doesn’t want to play football or basketball, he should not play. His talent is his own—not his small town’s.

Successful athletes are able to keep their goals and dreams alive in the face of criticism from others. Sometimes an athlete will give in to the pressure he feels from parents, coaches, and friends. In this case, the athlete competes to satisfy others instead of following his dreams.

Parents need to ensure their kids take part in sports for the right reasons. Young athletes should be genuinely self-motivated to practice and compete in sports.

Award winning parenting writer Lisa Cohn and Youth Sports Psychology expert Dr. Patrick Cohn are co-founders of The Ultimate Sports Parent. Pick up their free e-book, “Ten Tips to Improve Confidence and Success in Young Athletes” by visiting http://www.youthsportspsychology.com

Youth Sports: When Are Sports Parents Too Involved?

By Lisa Cohn and Dr. Patrick Cohn

One sports parent began training his son at the age of four to become a pro football player. The dad quit his job to facilitate his son’s coaching. The boy is now 12 and spends 10 hours per day training with his father.

When is a sports parent too involved?

Above all, sports parents need to keep in mind the importance of helping their young athletes lead balanced lives. Do they have the time to play with friends and pursue other interests? Or are their identities only defined by their role as athletes? You don’t want your kids to judge their self-worth solely on whether they score points or play on winning teams.

It’s also important to let the child lead you. You don’t want your child to play sports to fulfill your dreams. When kids play only to satisfy their parents, they often feel pressured. It’s difficult to play freely and intuitively. What’s more, they generally drop out of sports, and then miss all its great social, emotional and physical benefits!

We’re not saying you shouldn’t be involved at all in your child’s sports experience. It’s all about striking a balance. Once your child decides to play sports, you’ve got an important role to play as sports parents.

You should take charge of finding an appropriate coach and team for your child. It’s a good idea to support the coach and team as much as possible by bringing snacks or organizing the parents.

What’s more, you should learn all about “mental game” strategies that will help your child boost confidence and happiness in sports. Some of these strategies include:

• Setting manageable goals instead of communicating high expectations
• Focusing your child’s attention on the process of execution in the here and now instead of worrying about results, rankings, and statistics
• Helping kids take responsibility for their confidence instead of leaving confidence up to chance—and how well they play at the beginning of a game
• Helping kids learn how to let go of mistakes
• Encouraging young athletes to stay composed during crunch time so they can contribute to the team instead of tightening up and playing scared
• Encouraging kids to play freely and intuitively rather than playing scared and being afraid of making mistakes.

Award winning parenting writer Lisa Cohn and Youth Sports Psychology expert Dr. Patrick Cohn are co-founders of The Ultimate Sports Parent. Pick up their free e-book, “Ten Tips to Improve Confidence and Success in Young Athletes” by visiting http://www.youthsportspsychology.com.

Beware of Abusive Coaches in Youth Sports

Lisa Cohn here, partner of my brother, Patrick Cohn from http://www.youthsportspsychology.com/. In my 14 years as a sports parent, one of the most difficult challenges I ever faced was coping with an abusive coach.

My son was a 7th grader who loved basketball more than anything in the world. But his coach was a nightmare. He yelled at the boys, threw basketballs at them, and called them names.

None of the other parents on this team were willing to call up the coach and question his style. Why? They were afraid the coach would bench their sons, cut their playing time, or cut then from the team altogether.

As a sports parent--especially if you're a parent to an elementary or middle-school aged child--it's your job to ensure your child is in good hands.

Before you even sign your kids up for a team, it’s entirely appropriate and reasonable to interview the coach. You should ask potential coaches about their philosophy and how they handle playing time.

That's not all you can do.

If your young athletes are already part of a team, but don't seem happy with the coach, you need to do some research. Is the coach always unhappy with your athlete's performance, no matter how well she performs?

Does the coach criticize your child constantly, or dwell on mistakes? Is your child withdrawn or quiet around the coach? If so, you need to take action.

You can learn more about how to interview and communicate with coaches. Check out our workbook/CD program, “The Ultimate Sports Parent: A 14-Day Plan for Kids’ Success in Sports” by using the link:

http://youthsportspsychology.com/ultimate_sports_parent_workbook.php

You'll learn:

• How to evaluate a potential coach.
• How to communicate with your child's coach.
• What to do if your child's difficult coach is the only one in town.
• How to identify signs that the coach is undermining your athlete's
  experience.
• How to help kids cope with difficult feelings.
• How to teach kids no one is perfect!

Our new workbook program is flying off the shelves. Get your copy
today before we empty the shelves of the first printing!

http://youthsportspsychology.com/ultimate_sports_parent_workbook.php

Sincerely,

Patrick Cohn, Ph.D., Mental Training Expert
& Lisa Cohn, Youth Sports Parenting Author

P.S. For real-life strategies on how interview and communicate with your child's coach, check out our workbook/CD program – just for sports parents:
http://youthsportspsychology.com/ultimate_sports_parent_workbook.php

©2007 The Ultimate Sports Parent by Peak Performance Sports
Instilling Mental Skills for Sports & Life!
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