Talented Kid Athletes and High Expectations

Chris, the sports mom of an 8-year-old athlete, faces a difficult dilemma: Her son is a talented goalie in hockey, but he's so good that his team mates and coaches rely on him.

Chris's problem: The boy feels so pressured to perform that he recently pretended to be sick to avoid playing goalie in an end-of-season tournament.

Initially, the boy said that he enjoyed the fact that everyone liked him so much for being such a great goalie. However, it's clear that he soon began worrying that peers and coaches wouldn't like him if he didn't perform up to expectations.

When parents have talented or successful athletes who struggle with high expectations, they need to get to the root of what's upsetting or worrying their athletes. First of all, help the kids identify their own high expectations.

The athlete might say, "If I let my team down, nobody will like me." Or the child might say, "If I make a mistake, I screw up the game for everyone." Be sure to openly discuss athletes' fears or anxieties.

In most cases, we've discovered that kids in this position likely are afraid of failing or afraid of losing their peers' or coaches' approval. They may also be perfectionists who think they shouldn't
make mistakes.

Often, athletes' expectations are unrealistic. The athletes may feel as if they must win the game for everyone. Or they may feel as if they are not allowed to make any mistakes. These unrealistic expectations can undermine an athlete's confidence.

Discuss these expectations with your sports kids and help them understand that they shouldn't expect so much of themselves. You might remind them that no one is perfect. Tell them that people
will like even if they make mistakes.

Some kids are more open about discussing their feelings than others. With kids who are less likely to open up, be on the lookout for the moments during the day when they're more likely to share their feelings. Sometimes this is when you pick them up from school; sometimes it's just before they go to bed.

Want to learn more about how to create confidence and success in your young athlete? Check out our Ultimate Sports Parent workbook/CD program by clicking here!

You'll learn:

• How much pressure is too much pressure
• How to communicate with your young athlete
• How parents can instill confidence in young athletes
• How to prepare young athletes for game day
• How to cope with your young athlete's fear of failure

And other important tips for sports parents!

Sincerely,

Patrick Cohn, Ph.D., Mental Training Expert
& Lisa Cohn, Youth Sports Parenting Author

P.S. The Ultimate Sports Parent workbook program comes
with a neat bonus that helps parents act and say the right
things before a game or competition

©2007 The Ultimate Sports Parent by Peak Performance Sports
Instilling Mental Skills for Sports & Life!
888-742-7225/407-909-1700 (local)
http://www.youthsportspsychology.com/

Helping Young Athletes Trust in Their Skills

Do your sports kids excel in practice, but freeze up in competition? Do they have a hard time just being spontaneous and “free” when they compete? If so, you might need to help your child trust his or her athletic ability...

Freezing up in competition is a common challenge for young athletes. Some kids and teens love to practice and improve, but when it comes to competing, they suddenly don’t trust in their own skills and or have confidence in their abilities.

All young athletes face a lack of trust and confidence in their skills from time to time.

Maybe they’re new to a particular sport. Maybe they’re trying to learn a brand new skill and haven’t quite gotten it yet. Perhaps they’re perfectionists and feel that their performance isn’t “perfect” enough. They may also be afraid of making mistakes, so they play or compete tentatively.

Why should kids trust in their skills and abilities?

If they believe in their ability to execute a skill successfully, they’ll feel more confident. And more confidence will lead to more trust. That’s crucial to success and happiness in sports. In order to trust, athletes need to let go of conscious control—of their motor skills, for example. They must be able to perform spontaneously and intuitively.

As parents and coaches, there’s lots you can do to help young athletes learn to compete with trust and freedom.

First of all, look at your own behavior. Do you:

>>Ask your child to focus on proper or perfect form during the game?

>>Encourage your child to try to be perfect when performing?

>>Over coach your child right before game time?

>>Introduce a different method than the coach’s and confuse your child?

Instead, you need to:

1. Help your young athletes leave practice on the practice field, and learn to trust in their abilities.
2. Help them switch into an athletic, “let it happen” mindset in competition. Tell them to react intuitively, to keep it simple: See the ball and hit it.
3. Help them think of ways to perform in the here-and-now. How can they get the job done without worrying about or analyzing how to get the job done?
4. Help them accept that they can’t perform perfectly.

Want to learn more about how to help kids improve their performance, trust and confidence?

Check out our Ultimate Sports Parent workbook/CD program....

You’ll learn how to:

>Instill a confident mindset in your young athletes

>Help kids deal with competitive pressure

>Help kids trust their skills on game day

>Help young athletes set goals

>Guide sports kids who are dealing with difficult feelings and much more!

Hop over to our web site to snag your copy:

http://youthsportspsychology.com/

Sincerely,

Patrick Cohn, Ph.D., Mental Training Expert

P.S. The Ultimate Sports Parent workbook program comes with a neat
bonus that helps parents act and say the right things before a game or
competition:

http://youthsportspsychology.com/

©2007 The Ultimate Sports Parent by Peak Performance Sports
Instilling Mental Skills for Sports & Life!

Helping Your Sports Kid Set Good Goals

Too often, sports parents set goals for their kids that are different than the kids' goals. It’s important for parents and coaches to help sports kids identify their own goals and then help them follow through on them.

Says Dony Wilcher, a popular basketball coach in Portland, OR., “I had one parent who wanted the world for his child. He went out of his way to get him the right equipment and send him to the top camps.”

“At the end of it all, he was perplexed that the kid was not a superstar. In some cases, kids will veer away from the sport altogether if the parents' goals are different than theirs.”

At first, most kids generally want to play sports to have fun and be with friends. At that point, that’s their goal, and it’s not necessary to set goals with them.

When they begin to be competitive--when they play in tournaments or join competitive teams--it's time to begin talking about their goals. For some children, this might be as young as 7 or 8--if they display unusual talent and motivation.

For example, I worked with one 8-year-old motocross racer who spent four hours per day training. It would be appropriate to talk about goals with a child like this.

When you're talking with your young athlete, begin with a broad, open-ended question.

If, for example. your child's goal is to try out for and make his or her high school basketball team, that's the long-term goal. Ask the child what he or she needs to do to make the team.

Evaluate his or her skills in dribbling, free-throw shooting, and defense, for example. Try to de-emphasize the long-term goal of making the team. When young athletes are too preoccupied with making the team, they may impose too many expectations on themselves and undermine their confidence.

Instead, parents and coaches should help young athletes identify smaller, shorter-term goals, such as improving their free-throw shooting.

Once you've helped your young athletes identify their goals, it's your job to help them aim toward them. The parents, coaches and athletes need to work as a team.

Parents should support their athletes by driving them to practices, cheering them on, and finding ways to ensure they are able to follow through on their commitments.

However, it's critical to be flexible. Parents and coaches should help kids modify their goals on a weekly or monthly basis.

Want to learn more about helping young athletes feel happy and confident in sports? Check out our latest program, “The Ultimate Sports Parent” workbook and CD program:

http://youthsportspsychology.com/ultimate_sports_parent_workbook.php

You'll learn...

• How much pressure is too much


• How to prepare young athletes on game day


• How to help kids stop worrying about what everyone thinks of their
  performance


• How to help kids overcome their fear of failure


• And much more!

Sincerely,

Patrick Cohn, Ph.D., Mental Training Expert

P.S. 'The Ultimate Sports Parent' workbook program comes with a neat
bonus that helps parents act and say the right things before a game
or competition, which you can download immediately:

http://youthsportspsychology.com/ultimate_sports_parent_workbook.php

©2007 The Ultimate Sports Parent by Peak Performance Sports
http://www.youthsportspsychology.com/

Helping Perfectionistic Sports Kids

Often, we hear from parents who worry about young athletes who are too hard on themselves. You’re likely familiar with these types of athletes. They’re perfectionists or perfectionistic.

Perfectionistic athletes criticize themselves for making mistakes, often hold very high expectations for themselves, and get frustrated easily after making mistakes.

On the positive side, these athletes have a strong work ethic, are committed to their goals, and want to learn and improve. In fact, most athletes display at least some 'perfectionistic' traits from time to time.

It’s not always easy for perfectionist athletes to perform up to their abilities. When kids try to be perfect, they can undermine their own talents quickly. They hold strict expectations about their performance, are afraid of failing, and worry too much about results—statistics, goals scored or wins.

If your young athlete is a perfectionist, begin by identifying the traits that may be sabotaging his or her confidence in competition.

Does your child want to win so badly that he feels anxious? Is your athlete afraid of failing or losing? Does he or she play tentatively during games? Does your athlete try too hard and then over-control his or her performance?

One important task for you as parent....

Parents with perfectionist athletes should help kids identify their high (often unrealistic) expectations about how they should perform. Then help your child replace these expectations with simple process goals.

For example, say your athlete believes he or she should hit every shot perfectly. Suggest that your child replace his or her “I must hit every shot perfectly” mindset with these simple process goals or objectives: 1. Pick the right target for each shot 2. Be decisive 3. Be confident.

Want to learn more about how to build confidence and success in young athletes? Check out our workbook/CD program, “The Ultimate Sports Parent: A 14-Day Plan for Kids’ Success in Sports.”

You’ll also learn how to:

• Decide how much pressure is too much pressure
• Motivate kids to master their sport
• Help kids feel confident in athletics
• Help young athletes not worry about what everyone thinks
• Guide children as they cope with frustration, anger and heartache in sports
• Cope with kids’ difficult or negative coaches
• Provide young athletes with the right kind of support after defeats or mistakes

Sincerely,

Patrick Cohn, Ph.D., Mental Training Expert
& Lisa Cohn, Youth Sports Parenting Author

P.S. Do you and your child want to learn how to overcome perfectionism, fear of failure, and perform up to one's potential? You might want to check out our new workbook to help sports kids perform better and accept imperfection.

©2007 The Ultimate Sports Parent by Peak Performance Sports
Instilling Mental Skills for Sports & Life!

http://www.youthsportspsychology.com/

Youth Sports Tips: How Perfectionism Holds Back Kids in Sports

One of the biggest challenges for young athletes today: They try to be too perfect with their performance. They try to have the perfect game or match.

Don't get us wrong. There are some advantages to perfectionism. Perfectionist kids have a strong work ethic, are committed to goals, and are willing to learn and improve. These great traits often disguise this 'mental roadblock' to success.

Kids who try to be too perfect can undermine their performance in many ways. They often expect too much of themselves, are afraid of failing, feel anxious, are frustrated, and worry too much about results. This can stifle their talent.

For example, a perfectionist athlete unknowingly embraces very high expectations. When he does not achieve his expectations, he feels frustrated and thinks he's failed.

Below is a recent example from a baseball dad about his son:

***********************************************
'My son is a good athlete who has always had good success.
However, he seems to focus on the negative, not the positive.
If he is practicing hitting, and doesn't make good contact,
after about three swings I hear 'I stink.' Unfortunately,
things tend to go down hill from there.'
~Baseball Dad
***********************************************

Perfectionists think that maintaining strict expectations is a good thing. They believe that the only other option is to accept mediocrity, which they are not willing to do.

But we have a different take on this:

If kids cannot reach their expectations, then become frustrated and lose their composure, they won't achieve their full potential in sports.

In our new program designed just for sports parents, we teach you how to help your child cope with high expectations and perfectionism. You also learn 13 other important mental game lessons designed to help ensure kids' success in sports.

Our new program, 'The Ultimate Sports Parent: A 14-Day Plan for Kids' Success in Sports' teaches you to help your child perform without the burden of expectations and perfectionism.

We suggest that you grab your copy today at our special introductory price. But don't delay. The first printing will fly off the shelves when we release this program to the general public.

Read more about how to become The Ultimate Sports Parent:
http://youthsportspsychology.com/ultimate_sports_parent_workbook.php

THE ULTIMATE SPORTS PARENT by Peak Performance Sports
http://www.youthsportspsychology.com/

P.S. Stop guessing what to say to your child to boost her confidence and success. We teach you the 14 most important sports parenting lessons with our easy-to-follow workbook and CD program. Plus, you get four special bonuses all for a small investment of $89.00 for a limited time only!
Learn how sports parents can encourage their kids in sports