Negative Feedback: A Confidence Buster for Young Athletes

By Lisa Cohn and Dr. Patrick Cohn

Mike, a sports dad to an 11-year-old who plays high-level baseball, is worried about his son’s confidence. Jim’s baseball coach often singles Jim out for making mistakes. As a result, the kids on the team also comment when Jim makes mistakes.

Mike says Jim doesn’t mind so much when the coach singles him out. But Jim is not so happy when the other kids pick up on this negativity and start offering their two cents about his mistakes.

This situation can be a confidence buster for young athletes if their parents don’t handle it well.

Young athletes often worry about what their peers think of them. If they worry too much, it can undermine their confidence and performance. They’ll often start playing tentatively. They’ll be afraid to take risks. They’ll be afraid of making more mistakes.

Mike took a smart approach: He reminded Jim that he generally contributes a lot to the team, and the coach and kids likely expect a lot from him.

He suggested that Jim find ways to turn this negative into a positive: Mike told Jim to take the feedback and use it as motivation to work harder.

When sports parents struggle with this issue, they should also consider having a frank conversation with the coach. If you do this, be sure to wait until after a game. Or make an appointment to see the coach. Don’t approach the coach at half-time during a game if you are upset.

Wait to cool off before you sit down with the coach. Be sure to be as positive as possible. You might say, “I really appreciate all that you’re doing for the kids on these teams. I have one issue I’d like to discuss with you. I think it hurts my son’s confidence when you single him out for criticism.”

In addition, it’s important for sports parents to stress that confidence comes from within. It’s based on what they can control—how hard they work in practice, their motivation and their past successes. It shouldn’t be based on what they can’t control—the weather, the size of the ball they’re playing withopponents the team is playing against, or what others might be saying about them.

Young athletes need to focus on what they do well and try to push out of their minds worries about what others think of them.

What’s more, you can remind your young athletes that it’s natural to make mistakes in sports. No one is perfect. In fact, athletes learn from mistakes.
You’ll learn:

*How to talk to a coach

*When to find a new coach

*How to motivate kids to do their best

*How to communicate with your young athletes

*How to prepare kids for game day

*How to help kids stop worrying about what everyone thinks

*And much more!

Award winning parenting writer Lisa Cohn and Youth Sports Psychology expert Dr. Patrick Cohn are co-founders of The Ultimate Sports Parent. Pick up their free e-book, “Ten Tips to Improve Confidence and Success in Young Athletes” by visiting http://www.youthsportspsychology.com

Beware of Abusive Coaches in Youth Sports

Lisa Cohn here, partner of my brother, Patrick Cohn from http://www.youthsportspsychology.com/. In my 14 years as a sports parent, one of the most difficult challenges I ever faced was coping with an abusive coach.

My son was a 7th grader who loved basketball more than anything in the world. But his coach was a nightmare. He yelled at the boys, threw basketballs at them, and called them names.

None of the other parents on this team were willing to call up the coach and question his style. Why? They were afraid the coach would bench their sons, cut their playing time, or cut then from the team altogether.

As a sports parent--especially if you're a parent to an elementary or middle-school aged child--it's your job to ensure your child is in good hands.

Before you even sign your kids up for a team, it’s entirely appropriate and reasonable to interview the coach. You should ask potential coaches about their philosophy and how they handle playing time.

That's not all you can do.

If your young athletes are already part of a team, but don't seem happy with the coach, you need to do some research. Is the coach always unhappy with your athlete's performance, no matter how well she performs?

Does the coach criticize your child constantly, or dwell on mistakes? Is your child withdrawn or quiet around the coach? If so, you need to take action.

You can learn more about how to interview and communicate with coaches. Check out our workbook/CD program, “The Ultimate Sports Parent: A 14-Day Plan for Kids’ Success in Sports” by using the link:

http://youthsportspsychology.com/ultimate_sports_parent_workbook.php

You'll learn:

• How to evaluate a potential coach.
• How to communicate with your child's coach.
• What to do if your child's difficult coach is the only one in town.
• How to identify signs that the coach is undermining your athlete's
  experience.
• How to help kids cope with difficult feelings.
• How to teach kids no one is perfect!

Our new workbook program is flying off the shelves. Get your copy
today before we empty the shelves of the first printing!

http://youthsportspsychology.com/ultimate_sports_parent_workbook.php

Sincerely,

Patrick Cohn, Ph.D., Mental Training Expert
& Lisa Cohn, Youth Sports Parenting Author

P.S. For real-life strategies on how interview and communicate with your child's coach, check out our workbook/CD program – just for sports parents:
http://youthsportspsychology.com/ultimate_sports_parent_workbook.php

©2007 The Ultimate Sports Parent by Peak Performance Sports
Instilling Mental Skills for Sports & Life!
888-742-7225 407-909-1700 (local)
http://www.peaksports.com/
7380 Sand Lake Rd. Orlando, FL 32819