Helping Young Athletes Follow Their Dreams in Sports

By Lisa Cohn and Dr. Patrick Cohn

How do you help a young athlete whose dreams in sports are undermined by others’ jealousy?

In the case of Lela’s son, “Frank,” it’s a big challenge. Frank is a high school student and Olympic-caliber athlete in track. He is ranked nationally for his event and age group.

Frank’s problem: He lives in a very small town where there’s only one track coach, a coach whose son also takes part in track. Others are jealous of Frank’s talents and his high goals in sports.

The track coach tries to derail Frank’s efforts to become an Olympic athlete, refusing to give him extra gym time to work out. The coach told him he should simply focus on high school sports, rather than follow his dream of training for the Olympics.

What’s more, the basketball and football coaches in this small town think they “own” this young man’s talent. They’re constantly pressuring him to play on their teams instead of following his dream. They want to use his talent to help their teams succeed.

How can sports parents deal with such a dilemma?

Lela and other sports parents should encourage their young athletes to follow their dreams. Lela needs to help her son ignore the distractions created by others’ jealousy and focus on doing what he loves. That means training, competing and continuing to improve.

Lela needs to help Frank tune out the worries created by others’ opposition to his dream. He needs to focus on the tasks he needs to achieve his goals. An athlete’s dreams can quickly sink when non-believers beat him up. His confidence can take a hit.

In addition, if Frank doesn’t want to play football or basketball, he should not play. His talent is his own—not his small town’s.

Successful athletes are able to keep their goals and dreams alive in the face of criticism from others. Sometimes an athlete will give in to the pressure he feels from parents, coaches, and friends. In this case, the athlete competes to satisfy others instead of following his dreams.

Parents need to ensure their kids take part in sports for the right reasons. Young athletes should be genuinely self-motivated to practice and compete in sports.

Award winning parenting writer Lisa Cohn and Youth Sports Psychology expert Dr. Patrick Cohn are co-founders of The Ultimate Sports Parent. Pick up their free e-book, “Ten Tips to Improve Confidence and Success in Young Athletes” by visiting http://www.youthsportspsychology.com

Sports Parents Should Be "Team Players" Too

My sister, Lisa and I recently interviewed a successful youth sports coach about one of his biggest challenges. He told us how to help parents understand what to say to young athletes during the trip home after a game.

Coach Brian Gardner of St. Louis, Missouri has coached ice hockey for 10 years. He even led one team of 11 to 12-year-olds to a national championship.

Some of Gardner's players' parents drive for as long as 1.5 hours to get their kids to the ice rink. That's a long time for parents to be alone with their kids after a game, says Gardner. Especially if they spend that time talking about the players' performance.

"A lot of times, parents think more about their kids' success than the whole team," says Gardner. The result: They give too much instruction, which can undo Coach Gardner's lessons and coaching system.

"At the least harmful level, the parents second guess some of the systems we put in place, such as a power play system. They say 'You should do this, not what Coach says," Gardner relates.

On a more harmful level, parents tell their kids that they played badly. Out of frustration, parents sometimes even suggest to kids they should consider giving up the sport.

This behavior, while well-meaning, is counter-productive to Coach Gardner's efforts and not helpful for the players, he says.

So, what exactly is good communication with a young athlete after a game? (As sports parents who have made lots of mistakes, we know this isn't an easy question).

First of all, it's critical to support the coach, as we discuss in our new youth sports workbook/CD program. You'll only confuse your child by disagreeing with the coach or offering counterproductive coaching.

Second, you need to encourage your child as often as possible. Even if your athlete's team lost, you can find something positive to say about his or her attitude, effort or about two or three positive plays. As a sports parent, your goal is to build your child's confidence—not tear it down.

You'll learn lots more about how to build your young athlete's confidence in our new workbook program, "The Ultimate Sports Parent: A 14-Day Plan for Kids' Success in Sports."

You'll learn how to improve your young athlete's composure and focus. You'll discover just what to do and say before and after games—and why it's so important to follow our strategies.

You'll learn what to do when your young athletes chokes, get upset about mistakes, worry what others think of them or believe the coach favors everyone but them!

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'As parents, we supply our sports kids with all
the right equipment and coaches. But just having
the right mindset using sports psychology is the
least expensive and most effective investment in
them.'
~Julia Dreyer,sports mom to two champion equestrians
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Go read more about our workbook today:
The Ultimate Sports Parent - Help Your Kid in Sports Improve Confidence

Thanks,

Sincerely,

Patrick Cohn, Ph.D., Mental Training Expert

P.S. You can listen to the interview with Brian and many others like it by visiting the podcast section of our website:
http://www.youthsportspsychology.com/