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My sister, Lisa and I recently interviewed a successful youth sports coach about one of his biggest challenges. He told us how to help parents understand what to say to young athletes during the trip home after a game.
Coach Brian Gardner of St. Louis, Missouri has coached ice hockey for 10 years. He even led one team of 11 to 12-year-olds to a national championship.
Some of Gardner's players' parents drive for as long as 1.5 hours to get their kids to the ice rink. That's a long time for parents to be alone with their kids after a game, says Gardner. Especially if they spend that time talking about the players' performance.
"A lot of times, parents think more about their kids' success than the whole team," says Gardner. The result: They give too much instruction, which can undo Coach Gardner's lessons and coaching system.
"At the least harmful level, the parents second guess some of the systems we put in place, such as a power play system. They say 'You should do this, not what Coach says," Gardner relates.
On a more harmful level, parents tell their kids that they played badly. Out of frustration, parents sometimes even suggest to kids they should consider giving up the sport.
This behavior, while well-meaning, is counter-productive to Coach Gardner's efforts and not helpful for the players, he says.
So, what exactly is good communication with a young athlete after a game? (As sports parents who have made lots of mistakes, we know this isn't an easy question).
First of all, it's critical to support the coach, as we discuss in our new youth sports workbook/CD program. You'll only confuse your child by disagreeing with the coach or offering counterproductive coaching.
Second, you need to encourage your child as often as possible. Even if your athlete's team lost, you can find something positive to say about his or her attitude, effort or about two or three positive plays. As a sports parent, your goal is to build your child's confidence—not tear it down.
You'll learn lots more about how to build your young athlete's confidence in our new workbook program, "The Ultimate Sports Parent: A 14-Day Plan for Kids' Success in Sports."
You'll learn how to improve your young athlete's composure and focus. You'll discover just what to do and say before and after games—and why it's so important to follow our strategies.
You'll learn what to do when your young athletes chokes, get upset about mistakes, worry what others think of them or believe the coach favors everyone but them!
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'As parents, we supply our sports kids with all
the right equipment and coaches. But just having
the right mindset using sports psychology is the
least expensive and most effective investment in
them.'
~Julia Dreyer,sports mom to two champion equestrians
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Go read more about our workbook today:
The Ultimate Sports Parent - Help Your Kid in Sports Improve Confidence
Thanks,
Sincerely,
Patrick Cohn, Ph.D., Mental Training Expert
P.S. You can listen to the interview with Brian and many others like it by visiting the podcast section of our website:
http://www.youthsportspsychology.com/
We recently received an email for John about The Ultimate Sports Parent Radio Show (podcast). Here is what John had to say…
Lisa,
I listening to several of your podcast and found them very interesting. However, the suggestions given by your guests are very slanted towards the coach's perspective and not the players or parents.
They seem to think that the coach is always right and the parents need to help the kids adapt. The whole point of some of your show topics is that there are bad coaches or coaches who simply make mistakes and we need to address that.
I sense that you understand this and push your guest to address this but they just don't get it. Telling a kid to play better so he too can be a coach favorite isn't very sound advice. Telling a kids that he/she needs to perform when they get the opportunity is too much pressure.
Thanks for listening,
And my sister Lisa’s response:
John,
Thanks so much for giving us feedback about our Ultimate Sports Parent Radio podcast. You're suggesting that some of our guests focus only on the coach's point of view--not on the parent's or athlete's.
You also suggest that parents need some help coping with bad coaches or coaches who make mistakes. I agree! As a longtime sports parent (our four kids are 8-18), my biggest problem has been dealing with coaches.
In our Ultimate Sports Parent workbook/CD program, we address this issue in detail. We even tell parents when they should try to find another coach. I can provide you with some of our suggestions, if you're interested.
I also addressed this issue in a story I wrote for the Christian Science Monitor called "Teaching Parents to Be Better Sports." That story is on our website, http://www.youthsportspsychology.com/ under the articles section.
Again, thanks for listening and giving us feedback! Feel free to give us more suggestions.
Sincerely,
Lisa Cohn, award-winning sports parenting writer
Lisa Cohn here - Patrick's sister - from The Ultimate Sports Parent (www.youthsportspsychology.com). You may know that I’m a youth soccer coach and a sports mom to four young athletes aged 8 to 18. Our kids dance, skate, ski, run cross-country, and play soccer, Lacrosse, football and basketball.
As a sports parent, I’ve dealt with sports kids who:
* Are stars in practice but choke up during competition (and then get angry at themselves)
* Worry too much about what their coaches and teammates think of them.
* Don’t know how to communicate with coaches who give negative feedback, and
* Feel pressured to play—even when they are sick or injured.
These are just a few of the tough situations I’ve faced over the past 13 years, since our oldest first began playing sports at age 5. These are challenging situations, and I can tell you, the answers aren’t easy to come by!
For example, what do you say to a child or teen who regularly gets angry at himself for making mistakes during a game? We address this exact challenge for kids and sports parents in our new workbook program, The Ultimate Sports Parent.
Here’s a tip: You can help your child change his expectations about making mistakes. Sometimes kids try to be too perfect on the playing fields and expect to not make any mistakes. Modifying their expectations can help them perform without the burden of constant frustration.
Dealing with kids’ expectations is just one common challenge. Every day as sports parents, you face so many tough—and interesting—situations. Believe me, how you react to these issues is critical to your child’s self-confidence and success as an athlete! (I’ve made enough mistakes to know).
To answer the above questions and the many more questions sports parents ask themselves every day, I’ve teamed up with my brother, Dr. Patrick Cohn, a leading sports psychology expert.
We’ve just released a cutting-edge new program, "The Ultimate Sports Parent: A 14-Day Plan for Kids’ Success in Sports." In this program, we identify the top seven "inner game" challenges for sports parents and the top seven "mental game" challenges for kids.
We also explain how sports parents can:
* Decide how much pressure is too much pressure
* Use proven strategies to motivate their kids to play to their abilities
* Help young athletes stop worrying about what everyone thinks
* Guide children as they cope with frustration, anger and heartache in sports
* Deal with kids' difficult or negative coaches
* Teach kids no one is perfect in athletics, and
* Provide young athletes with the right kind of support after defeats or mistakes
Click here to read more about how to become The Ultimate Sports Parent:
Also, get to know us better by listening to ESPN’s “Sports Addicts’ Network” interview with me and Patrick by using the link below and scrolling to the interview.
http://www.youthsportspsychology.com/radio_show.php
Sincerely,
Lisa Cohn, Youth Sports Parenting Author
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THE ULTIMATE SPORTS PARENT by Peak Performance Sports
www.youthsportspsychology.com
Have I ever told you that I grew up in a sports-crazed family with five kids?
30 years ago when I played football, hockey, golf, and lacrosse year round, our dad was an enthusiastic sports parent. He often impeached us to play harder and live up to our abilities. He was quick to express his frustration with refs and coaches.
My dad (and mom) was so into our games, he couldn't restrain himself. That was both good and bad for the five of us. We liked all the attention, but often felt pressured to perform better - and better!
Now that I am a sports parent myself, I understand just how difficult it is for parents--like my dad--to figure out how best to support and help their kids in sports. And as a leading sports psychology expert, we've been studying this issue.
Sports parents today have many tough questions to answer: Should you push kids to try harder in sports when you know they have the athletic ability? What do you say or do after your child or teen's crushing defeat?
What to do if your daughter worries constantly about what others think of her sports performance? How do you behave on the sidelines when you are frustrated with coaches or refs?
These are hard questions, and the answers are not always obvious.
I have heard from many parents, like you, who are struggling with these issues - and many others. Now, my sister Lisa Cohn, an award- winning parenting writer, and I have teamed up to teach you how to boost kids' confidence and help you be a great sports parent!
We just released an innovative new program for sports parents, "The Ultimate Sports Parent: A 14-Day Plan for Kids" Success in Sports.'
Our cutting-edge CD/Workbook program tells parents just what to say and do to improve their kids' confidence, success and happiness in sports. It's based on 15 years of experience working with athletes and young athletes.
As Julia Dreyer, a sports mom to two champion equestrians says:
"As parents, we supply our sports kids with all the best in equipment and coaches. But just having the right mindset using sports psychology
is the least expensive and most effective investment in them."
Click here to read read more about how parents can help kids in sports.
Thanks,
Patrick J. Cohn, Ph.D.,
Master Mental Game Coach
P.S. We recently re-launched our online mental training program with more programs and mental game tools to help you reach your potential. Grab your subscription today and get 30% off *The Ultimate Sports Parent* and other programs. Go here for a demo: Online Mental Training Program
One of the biggest challenges for young athletes today: They try to be too perfect with their performance. They try to have the perfect game or match.
Don't get us wrong. There are some advantages to perfectionism. Perfectionist kids have a strong work ethic, are committed to goals, and are willing to learn and improve. These great traits often disguise this 'mental roadblock' to success.
Kids who try to be too perfect can undermine their performance in many ways. They often expect too much of themselves, are afraid of failing, feel anxious, are frustrated, and worry too much about results. This can stifle their talent.
For example, a perfectionist athlete unknowingly embraces very high expectations. When he does not achieve his expectations, he feels frustrated and thinks he's failed.
Below is a recent example from a baseball dad about his son:
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'My son is a good athlete who has always had good success.
However, he seems to focus on the negative, not the positive.
If he is practicing hitting, and doesn't make good contact,
after about three swings I hear 'I stink.' Unfortunately,
things tend to go down hill from there.'
~Baseball Dad
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Perfectionists think that maintaining strict expectations is a good thing. They believe that the only other option is to accept mediocrity, which they are not willing to do.
But we have a different take on this:
If kids cannot reach their expectations, then become frustrated and lose their composure, they won't achieve their full potential in sports.
In our new program designed just for sports parents, we teach you how to help your child cope with high expectations and perfectionism. You also learn 13 other important mental game lessons designed to help ensure kids' success in sports.
Our new program, 'The Ultimate Sports Parent: A 14-Day Plan for Kids' Success in Sports' teaches you to help your child perform without the burden of expectations and perfectionism.
We suggest that you grab your copy today at our special introductory price. But don't delay. The first printing will fly off the shelves when we release this program to the general public.
Read more about how to become The Ultimate Sports Parent:
http://youthsportspsychology.com/ultimate_sports_parent_workbook.php
THE ULTIMATE SPORTS PARENT by Peak Performance Sports
http://www.youthsportspsychology.com/
P.S. Stop guessing what to say to your child to boost her confidence and success. We teach you the 14 most important sports parenting lessons with our easy-to-follow workbook and CD program. Plus, you get four special bonuses all for a small investment of $89.00 for a limited time only!
Learn how sports parents can encourage their kids in sports
